The Holy Spirit

Just got back from a run (more on that in a later post) and had an amazing realization that only can be attributable to the awesome work of God.  I felt a compelling need to write this down and share it before I lose sight of how awesome this new understanding is.  It will seem so simple to some, but it's been a real aha moment for me!

Motherhood has brought me the most incredible joys, all of which in the grand scheme of things overshadow the struggles that come along with being a new parent.  I won't focus on the details of the struggles I've been facing personally, for those are really beside the point here (please don't be alarmed, it's nothing to worry about!).  But every parent, whether new or seasoned veteran, faces his or her own challenges and so I'm sure most can relate. The point is, I've had some struggles. And I've spent so much time focusing on those struggles and how they make me feel, and very little time prayerfully asking for help and guidance.  Through the counsel of a dear friend, I was reminded how important prayer can be and made some better attempts at it, asking to obtain some peace about these things.

Tonight I realized that God has brought me that peace.  It hasn't come in the way that I expected, but it is peace nonetheless. This past Sunday we celebrated Pentecost, when Jesus breathed on the Apostles, who received the fullness of the Holy Spirit to go out and minister to the world.  I don't know about everyone else, but I've always had a hard time relating to the Holy Spirit.  He's always the forgotten part of the Trinity for me.  When I pray, I usually direct my prayers to God the Father or God the Son.  They are just much more relate-able to me.  But this Pentecost, I suppose I received some extra graces to understand the Holy Spirit's role a little bit better.  I know it's only because of the Holy Spirit that I feel this new found peace.  I know that it's only because of His working through me that I recognize the peace as being a gift from Him.  What a blessing it is to know that I am not in control! That He knows what is best for me. That He will provide. That I may not get peace in the way that I expected or even wanted, but that He will provide it.

It's more than a feeling, it's a state of acceptance and understanding afforded me by the grace of God.  It may not be permanent, and I may struggle again with the same issue, and again find myself asking for peace and struggling to find it.  But I know that He hears me and will provide.  I just have to listen and open my heart to Him and ask for my mind to have the understanding that only He can provide.

April 2012